The hurt introvert
by lesboek
Summary: Kenma get's hit by a ball and cannot move. Kuroo is worried. Things don't turn out like Kenma expected.
1. The hurt introvert

He was on top of his game today. Kenma could read the opponents setter like a book. He is going to play the ball to the right side, he thought. He shifted his body and started to run to the other side of the field. Kuroo followed him. Perfectly in sync they halted, turned their bodies towards the net, jumped and stretched their arms as high as they possibly could.

A great pain spread over his face. The ball hit him in the face, but why? Their block was perfect, wasn't it? Of course it wasn't, if it was he wouldn't be hit in the face. But what went wrong? As he was evaluating his mistakes he felt his weight shifting backwards. A moment later his head hit the floor and his world became dark.

Kenma could hear but not see. He tried to move his arms, but they refused. His legs did not cooperate either.

He didn't know how long he had been out, but he figured it could not have been long. Lying on the cold hard gym floor Kenma slowly noticed how bad he was hurt. He was completely conscious but could not move a muscle and it frightened him. He could feel his face burning. Warm liquids flowed from his nose and forehead, blood probably. He could taste blood in his mouth. He began to lose it. He was lying on the floor. Wounded. Bleeding. Fully aware. He couldn't do a thing. This had to be a nightmare!

"Kenma! Kenma!" Kuroo's voice sounded far away, although it must have been close. Suddenly he felt hands grabbing his shoulders and shaking him violently. "Kenma! Wake up Kenma! Open your eyes!" Kuroo was on the brink of crying. Kenma could hear the lump in his throat. He tried to speak. He wanted to calm his friend, but couldn't.

Kuroo wasn't exactly helping. Shaking him around only made his head hurt more. He wondered how badly he actually looked. As bad as he felt?

An arm slid behind his back. Another under his legs. He felt Kuroo hovering over him, muscles tightening as he tried to lift the motionless body of the floor. Thoughts flashed through Kenma's head. Idiot! You can't lift me like that, you don't know if I've broken something! It was useless, he was being lifted up. His arms dangled helplessly as Kuroo hoisted him, making sure Kenma's head rested on his shoulder. Then he proceeded to walk.

Every step send a shock of pain through Kenma's head, but the warmth of Kuroo's body calmed the introvert. He could hear Kuroo's heartbeat. It soothed him, he felt the anxiety leave his body. Slowly but surely his mind returned back to normal.

He felt Kuroo sitting down. A bench probably. "You're going to be okay Kenma. Trust me" His words were soft, almost whispered. He felt fingers running through his hair, still sticky with blood. "Please move. Don't leave me worried like this."

A few minutes passed and Kenma noticed how a small circle of people had formed around them. He hated it, all the attention was on him now. The pressure was insane. What was he to do when, no if, he regained the ability to move?

Kenma sighed. Wait. He sighed. Slightly euphoric he established that he sighed, a conscious act. He decided to check if his arms were moving. No. His fingers? Slightly. His eyes? Yes. Yes! Slowly but surely he opened his eyes. His vision was still blurry and veiled by a red mist, but it was vision nonetheless.

He looked up, seeing Kuroo looking down at him. His face changed. The worried look made room for a sight of pure relief. "Kenma! You're back!" He exclaimed, gripping the boy tighter and closer.

Kenma hummed. Now confronted with the faces of his worried teammates he became anxious once again. He tried to move his arm. It worked, crudely. He swung his arm around Kuroo's Neck and tried to pull himself toward him. His arms were still to weak to move his body, but Kuroo got the hint and pulled him closer once again.

Kenma spoke softly. "Ku…"

"What is it Kenma?" The other replied.

"P.. Please.."

"Yes?"

"Get me away." Kenma managed to complete his sentence. "Please."

Kuroo looked puzzled, then understood. The crowd was making Kenma extremely self-conscious.

The boy stood up. Still holding Kenma in his arms. "Okay, let's get you cleaned an see what the damage is." He walked through the crowd of players. "Give him some room okay?" Their team nodded and watched as he carried the small boy toward the dressing rooms.


	2. The unwanted confession

Kuroo worked the door handle with his elbow. Still carrying Kenma, who had his arms flung around his neck, in his arms. He carried Kenma towards a bench and sat him on it.

Kenma's arms lid from Kuroo's neck, his hands stopping on his shoulders. He looked Kuroo in the eyes. "Thank you. I couldn't move, I was scared." Kuroo flashed a gentle smile before he replied. "You're going to be okay now. Well let's see how bad your head wound is. Probably not as bad as it looks with all the blood." He stood up and walked toward his bag and rummaged inside to get a towel out before proceeding to the sink. He put the towel in the sink and opened the faucet.

"I think I bit my lip, my whole mouth tastes like blood." Kenma presented matter-of-factly. He folded his hands and placed them on his lap. Then he looked up to Kuroo.

Kuroo wrung the wet towel and walked back over to kenma. "Let me see." He said as he took the setter's lower lip between his thumb and index finger, pulling down to reveal the inside of his mouth. "Hmm, well there is a wound here and your teeth are all red so you're probably right." He took a corner of the towel and started to dab Kenma's lip. Kenma grimaced his face at the sting of the towel. Kuroo continued nevertheless and proceeded to wipe the smudged teeth back to their pearly white colour.

"You know, Kuroo." Kenma started to talk in a slow, soft voice now the other let go of his lip to clean the blood from his head. "I was really scared. I could feel everything, hear everything, but I couldn't move. Thank you for taking care of me."

Kuroo looked down at him. "You're welcome. You're my friend, of course I would take care of you."

Kenma could feel a lump in his throat at the word 'friend.' "You know." He took a pause before he continued. "You really calmed me own, your breathing. Your heartbeat. Your warmth. Your voice. It prevented me from going insane at that moment."

Kuroo smiled teasingly. "This is beginning to sound like a confession. Do you always get this talkative after a ball to the face?" He finished cleaning up Kenma's face and moved on to his hair. "The wound isn't so bad. It's not bleeding anymore. It's probably going to be a big lump though. We should get some ice for it."

"Kuroo!" Kenma said in a voice so firm he could hardly believe it was his own. "Would you stop for a moment because I can't go on like this." Kuroo looked at him with startled eyes. "Kuroo." Kenma continued. "Thank you for being there for me. For being my friend. You're the best thing that happened to me. I really like you."

"This is really beginning to sound like a confession Kenma." Kuroo chuckled. "Let's get some ice, okay?"

"I. This." Kenma was lost for words. He looked Kuroo up at kuroo and squeezed his hands together. He took a deep breath and with a resolutely stated. "This is a confession."

Kuroo was dumbfounded. His eyes widened as he looked at kenma with open mouth. Kenma shuffled uneasily on the bench. His eyes averting the other boy. Kuroo began to speak, his voice trembling. "Kenma. I. You." Lost for words he took a step back and ran his hand through his hair, grabbing a couple locks. "Kenma, I'm sorry I can't." He spoke as he rushed toward door.

"Don't go, please!" Kenma exclaimed. He got up to chase after Kuroo but dizziness overcame him. He fell to the floor. He sat on his knees as tears sprung in his eyes. "Don't go." He whispered. "Don't leave me."

There he sat on the floor, crying. Sobbing his heart out. How could he have been so stupid? It was idiotic to think that Kuroo was in love with him. Even if he carried him around after he got hurt. It was like Kuroo said. He would do that for a friend. Why hadn't he seen that? Why did he have to destroy the things that made his life beautiful?

Kenma was worried. What if Kuroo told the team, he thought. Would they still like him? It was Kuroo who forced him to come to training when he was feeling down. Would he be able to come without his support? This was the end, he was going to become a hermit. And even though he was an introvert, a hermit he did not want to become.

Minutes passed and the sobbing stopped. Kenma gathered himself and stood up. He walked toward the sink and washed his face before going out of the dressing room toward the gymnasium. He inflated his lungs with as much air as possible, raised his head and took long strides toward the coach.

The match had continued, Kuroo was sitting on the bench looking at him intensely. Kenma couldn't discern if he was angry or not. "Coach, I'm going home." The coach looked at him and nodded. "Are you okay, should we get someone to go home with you? Kuroo?" Kenma glanced at Kuroo. "No, I'll be fine." He said. "If you say so. Take care of yourself Kenma." Kenma turned around and went home.

It was the longest way home he ever had to walk. His emotions were all over the place. He wanted to cry and beat himself to pulp for confessing. This was going to be the end of his world.

He finally reached his home and unlocked the door. The house was dark and empty. Nobody was home. Kenma locked the door behind him and ran up the stairs. He went into his chamber and threw himself on his bed. His head buried in his pillow he cried himself to sleep.


	3. There is always hope

The walk to school seemed longer than usual. It was the first time in ages that Kenma walked this route alone. He slouched his way to school. Kuroo was nowhere to be seen. He probably came earlier to avoid him, Kenma thought.

Kenma made his way to the classroom. Japanese literature. His body was present, but his mind wasn't. When he was asked to read a text out loud he did, at least he thought he did. He couldn't remember what he just read, but the teacher was satisfied and left him alone.

Break time came and Kenma decided the best place to spend this time was on the roof. He headed to the roof and sat down, his back resting against a wall. He pulled out his PSP and tried to play a game to distract him. He bashed the buttons dutifully, defeating one monster after another.

His body was playing, but his mind was playing a different game. His brain was occupied with a hundred questions. What would happen if Kuroo told anyone? Would Kuroo ever talk to him again? Why had he ruined everything he had? How could he fix this?

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't notice the person standing in front of him. The person spoke. "Kenma?" Kenma was startled by the voice. He looked up to see that is was Morisuke. "It isn't like you to get startled, Kenma. And what's with the look on your face? You look like you are about to die."

Kenma didn't speak a word. He resumed his game but Mori wouldn't let him. His senior sat down beside him. "Kuroo looks down today. He wouldn't talk about it. So I thought I'd ask you. You don't look like you're doing any better. What's wrong?"

Kenma looked at him. "I don't want to talk about it." He tried to sound resolute and calm, but he knew Morisuke would see through this facade.

As expected his act was unconvincing. "No," Morisuke spoke, "something happened and I'm going to help you. Speak up." His look was firm. Kenma knew he wouldn't leave him alone. And he really wanted to get the whole story of his chest. He sighed and spoke. "Fine."

Morisuke turned to face him. Kenma turned as well. Like this the two boys sat. Facing each other. Kenma averted his eyes. He felt the lump in his throat as he tried to speak. His mouth opened but he seemed mute.

Morisuke saw the difficulty Kenma was having and intervened. "Does it have something to do with the accident last match?" Kenma nodded. "Did it happen afterwards, when you were treating your wounds?" Kenma nodded again. Morisuke took Kenma's hand. "What happened Kenma. Please, tell me."

"Well," Kenma said in a soft voice, "he took care of me and I." He fell silent again. He took a deep breath. "And I was stupid and now he hates me."

"You were stupid?" Morisuke looked at him questioningly. "I find that hard to believe." Kenma averted his eyes. He knew full well that Morisuke wouldn't be satisfied with just that for an answer.

"I ruined our friendship." Kenma said. "I told him that I like him." He felt his face turning red. He mustered his courage and continued. "Not like a friend, but like… As in. Like love."

"So," Morisuke responded, "you're gay?" His voice did not hide the fact that he was surprised. Kenma was worried. What if Morisuke didn't want to be close to him now? He drew his hand back but Morisuke grabbed it again.

"Kenma. It's okay." Morisuke said with a reassuring voice. "Really. It is. Don't worry." With his thumb he rubbed Kenma's hand. Trying to calm him. "And what happened after that?"

Kenma tried not to cry but could feel his eyes flowing full with tears. "I confessed to him. And he left." A small pause. "He left me. He is avoiding me." The first tear rolled down his cheek. "He left me. I ruined it all."

Morisuke moved closer and put his arms around the sobbing boy. "Ssssh. Don't cry Kenma." He gently rocked Kenma back and forth. "I'll talk to Kuroo. I cannot promise you anything but I won't let him ruin your friendship over something trivial like this." Kenma continued sobbing intensely. Morisuke continued to hush the boy in his arms.

A couple of minutes later Kenma had calmed down and leaned silently against Morisuke. The latter spoke. "Kenma, make sure you come to training today. And make sure you go to class. I will take care of Kuroo. We will solve this." He got on his feet and looked down at Kenma. "I think it's time to go to class. I will see you again at training. Don't be late!"

Morisuke walked away. Kenma got to his classes as well. He spent the entire time wondering how the talk between Kuroo and Morisuke was going. Needless to say he didn't remember anything he had to remember from his classes. He wasn't even sure if he had any homework or not.

His feet felt like lead when he walked to the gymnasium. He was late. Training had already started. He walked into the empty dressing room. The room was filled with the sports bag of all his teammates. He could see Kuroo's bag. The thought of training with Kuroo again scared him, but he decided to trust Morisuke.

Slowly, as if to haggle for time, he changed. After he put on his sports clothes he looked in the mirror. He gathered all the courage he could, clenched his fists, and left the dressing room.


	4. Love is a strange thing

The gymnasium was daunting. Kenma looked around, Kuroo was nowhere to be seen. He had to be here somewhere. His bag was in the dressing room after all.

Morisuke was talking to the coach and gestured Kenma towards them. The coach smiled reassuringly. "Today I want you to practice with Lev. He needs to work on his technique and I think you're the best person to help him at this point." Kenma nodded. He turned around and walked towards Lev. Morisuke followed him.

"I talked to Kuroo." Morisuke said. "I think I calmed him down a bit. You startled him a lot you know. Go and practice with Lev. Kuroo and a few others are taking a jog today."

"So he's still avoiding me?" Kenma asked disappointed.

Morisuke was quick to respond. "It was coach's idea. He wanted to prevent awkwardness."

"So coach knows?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It can't be helped."

Their conversation was interrupted by Lev. "Hey Kenma! Get over here! What took you so long?"

Kenma jogged towards Lev who threw him a ball. Nothing weird about this. He wonder if Lev even got the memo. The other boys seemed to look at him more now. As if they were curious. As if Kenma was some kind of weird new kid.

Training went on and Kuroo wasn't back yet. The other joggers were already changing, but Kuroo was doing another lap, apparently. Kenma sat on a bench and waited for Kuroo's return.

One by one the team was leaving. Morisuke was last. He walked up to Kenma and bent over to make his head level with Kenma's. "Good luck Kenma." He smiled and waved as he left the building.

Kenma was alone. He was nervous. He didn't know if this was a good idea. Shouldn't Morisuke have stayed? To help him?

His train of thought grinded to a halt when Kuroo stepped into the room. They looked at each other and turned their gaze to the ground. "Hi." Kuroo mumbled as he walked towards Kenma. An equally inaudible greeting left Kenma's lips.

"Soo," Kuroo said as he stood in front of Kenma, "I heard you wanted to talk."

"Kuroo I'm sorry." Kenma blurted out. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He thought he was going to cry again.

"Sorry about what?" Kuroo asked in a voice that demanded an answer.

"Sorry about loving you."

"I don't think you are sorry about that." Kuroo put his hands in pockets. "I think you're sorry about confessing and it not working out like you hoped."

Kenma remained silent. He clenched his fists and grinded his teeth. He tried not to cry. He knew Kuroo was right. He didn't regret falling in love with Kuroo. He regretted confessing. He regretted not being his boyfriend.

"Kenma, look at me."

Kenma looked up at Kuroo. He was scared of the words that he was going to hear.

"Kenma." Kuroo paused. "I'm sorry."

Kenma was surprised. His eyes suddenly glistered with hope as his friend seemed to be willing to make up.

Kuroo continued. "I can't be your boyfriend. Frankly the thought disgusts me." He sighed and sat down on his knees. His torso between Kenma's legs. Their faces just centimetres apart. "I never wanted to see you again. Honestly."

Kenma felt tears well up in his eyes. He wanted to object, to speak but the lump in his throat prevented him. He merely sobbed as Kuroo resumed his decleration.

"Morisuke lectured me. Long and hard. We have been friends for ages and nothing has changed. I'm not your boyfriend and I will never be your boyfriend." He paused a moment to let his words sink in. "But I am your friend and I will always be your friend."

Kenma couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears flowed. He wailed and flung his arms around Kuroo, burying his face in the other boys neck. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." The sound died down as his cry became ugly. His mouth wide open, gasping for air. Tears drenched Kuroo's shirt.

Kuroo hugged Kenma awkwardly. He seemed to want to comfort his friend, but shied away from grabbing the boy tight. Like this they sat until Kenma calmed down.

Kenma moved. He now sat up straight and looked at Kuroo. "Sorry." He said again.

Kuroo shook his head. "No." He said as he stood up. "No more apologies. We should go change and get home."

Kenma looked up at Kuroo. "You're okay with us changing together?"

Kuroo took a moment to process the question. "Exactly how long have you been looking at my dick already?"

Kenma smiled. "Long enough."

"I'm okay with us changing together, but if you as much as look at my dick this time _will_ kill you."

Kenma put his hand in front of his eyes. "Yes, sir!"


End file.
